Lesson #1379 - Jerks

It is my theory that jerks should be measured by percentages, NOT by volume. And if you are willing to fund my research, I will publish a series of technical, peer-reviewed papers proving this theory. Your contribution will help expand the boundaries of research in ways that will surely help mankind once we figure out what those ways will be! Until then, can I call dibs on the jerk-percentage theory as being named The Shepherd Theory? I hope I can, because I just did. Bam.

STUDENT PRESENTATIONS: Still accepting submissions for your comic to run during my paternity leave, as long as you email it in by Friday!

BABYWATCH: Some people seem to believe that my wife has been in the hospital for the last 18 nights because she's been in labor that long - so without allowing you too much in on the details, let me provide a little more clarification. Essentially, two and a half weeks ago theSwede had scheduled a doctor's appointment, which they didn't expect much of until an examination revealed she was halfway through early labor, without having felt anything and barely at 31 weeks pregnancy. The doctors were pretty sure the baby would be born that weekend, but as one doctor put it, every few hours we made it would make it more likely we would last a lot longer. After some steroid shots to help Cannonball (the baby's name, or at least as far as you'll know) develop her lungs a bit faster, and some medicine to reduce contractions, we made it through that weekend, and since then have been trying to maintain the status quo as long as possible. theSwede's been on bed rest at the hospital, and holding the delivery at bay by drinking ungodly amounts of water a day. So there's no way we'll make it to late May - and Cannonball could still arrive any day now - but theSwede's not in labor, just very dilated, and Cannonball will be much further along than anyone expected just a little while ago. It's been a little nutty lately. In the meantime, this hospital bedside sleeping chair and I are connecting on a higher level. But thank you all for your concern.