THE ASSIGNMENT: In the future, candidates will have fifteen words or fewer to state your case to win political office. So, if you are the one running for office . . . what is your brilliant fifteen word speech that will convince the masses to shower you with love and adoration and votes?

(Note: all those who did not list their location are listed as hailing from Aberdeen.)

BEST ANSWER
Laura in Providence, RI:
Don't worry. I have the antidote. But first, the election!

OTHER EXCELLENT ANSWERS
Doug in Keane, NH:
My Fellow Americans, I (dramatic pause) am NOT a tool.  My opponent IS a tool. Good night.

Donnie in Edinburg, PA:
I believe in practicality. If it's worth saying, it's worth getting straight to the point.

Caitlin in Beebe, AR:
Bacon. Zombies. Superpowers. Pet dinosaurs. Money. Caffeine. All this, I give to you. Peace out.

Meghan from NYC:
I make no promises. If elected, I simply will show up, ready to work everyday.

Patrick in California:
Represent the people.
No purchased politics.
Education before war.

John Frederick in Wisconsin:
You remember that movie with all the dinosaurs running freely? Something like that. Vote Frederick.

Ben in London, UK:
Vote for me! Because, seriously, have you seen those other arseholes? I can't be worse.

Joshua in Aberdeen:
"America has been, is, and will always be awesome. Now with free cake for everyone!"

(Paid for by citizens for free cake. Show your support and claim your cake by going to freecakeforpresident.com or text Free Cake to 555-555-5555)

Catherine from Mobile, AL:
I come to you today with a simple message. Read my lips, No More Zombies.

Ben in Neenah, WI:
People of America,
Look at this kitty. Isn’t it a cute kitty? Awwww.

Alyssa in Rhode Island:
I request your assistance preparing for the zombie apocalypse. They will soon be upon us.

EJ in Houghton, MI:
I may not be the best candidate, but I am certainly not the worst.

Ronnie from Vancouver, BC:
If I am elected to this office, everyone will get free cookies for life.

Larry in Marlborough, MA:
You know those things you hate/believe/support? Well, so do I.

Jakob in Leipzig, Germany:
Love. They don't have.
We change better.
Same chances, clean energy, science!
They wrong.
Vote.

Jason in Shetland:
Fifteen words are nowhere near enough to convey how unsuitable I am for the job!

Samuel in Aberdeen:
If elected, I promise not to be a dick to anyone. I promise. Also, velociraptor.

Thomas in New Bedford, MA:
Waiters!  At this time you may proceed to the front slide for your BAKESHOP!

(Because in the future, we will all eat in dining halls.  It’s a bleak future.)

Jim in Maine:
I have a dream of duty, honor and country that we shall overcome checkers mountaintop”

Chris in Roswell, GA:
I am awesome. Now vote for me or I kill all your families. Thank you.

Matt in L.A.:
I have introduced a virus disabling our machine overlords, follow me to victory!

Matthew in Orangevale, CA:
I won't screw you over as badly as the other individual; the aliens like me.

Ashley in White Lake, MI:
Fellow Americans, my opponents will promise many things, but I promise a zombie survival plan.

Adam from Guelph, Ontario, Canada:
I promise you: food, financial and personal security, marital freedom, and a new holiday.

Ben in Houston:
My Fellow Americans,
I will fire all assholes in government and replace them with puppies.
God Bless Non-Asshole America

Jon in Aberdeen:
My fellow gamers, I have 1337 skillz.  Old people, healthcare.

Nick in Madison, WI:
Can't talk long. The Robots are listening. Vote for me, I have an EMP.

Esmeralda in the Netherlands:
I keep my promises and listen to you. And I have kittens, so love me!

Howard in Aberdeen:

GREAT VISUAL APPROACHES

James in Maine:


Dave in Sunnyvale, CA:


AN EXCELLENT FINISH
Rachel in Ohio:
Through hard times, remember: I'm never gonna give you up; never gonna let you down.