Lesson #1429 - Spiritual Guide

So the debate has been raging for decades now, scientists fighting philosophers fighting theologians fighting culinary enthusiasts - it's been a vicious verbal brawl that has left none unscathed. So let me end it here by affirming the position that, yes, Cookie Monster can be your spirit animal.

But wait! you argue. Dante, how can Cookie Monster be a spirit animal when he is still alive? And I would agree, that would be a likely sticking point except, and I hate to burst your bubble, but the current monster that we know as Cookie Monster . . . is a pod-person who has replaced the original. Or pod-monster, if you will.

Come now, how could a Cookie Monster change his diet so that cookies are now only a sometimes food? Adapting? Please. His required diet is in his name! Switching to fruits and vegetables would be destructive to his monster physiology, as I've argued before. So he must have been replaced - and with all the emphasis on vegetables, clearly it is not a genetically-modified clone or a robot, but rather a pod-person. Which is terrible news, because the originals that pod-people (or pod-monsters) replace, well, they don't exactly get to go on living.

But in a way, that's kind of good news, because a being that is alive cannot be a spirit animal, so therefore, with Cookie Monster having been replaced, he can now be your spirit animal. And let me tell you, spiritual guidance has never felt or tasted so good. QED.

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