THE ASSIGNMENT: What word/term should we make into our new swear word, and why? Note: the word/term should be achieve a cathartic effect, be socially acceptable but not pathetic, and be able to be shifted into multiple parts of speech. Your answer can be words that already exist - like providing a good reason for the word 'spoon' - or a new word creation that would meet the crucial points.

(Assigned in this lesson.)

(Note: all those who did not list their location are listed as hailing from Aberdeen.)

BEST ANSWER
Kacie in Binghamton, NY: Hark: Technically means "listen" which just begs to be screamed aloud. Plus, it has the 'ar' sound which is perfect for snarling. Can be used as a command or expletive, adjective (to listen to means to pay attention or take notice of so as an adjective it can mean attention-seeking or unavoidable), noun (unavoidable obstacle or suck-up begging to be the center of the universe), verb (make someone listen). Ex: HARK! That a**hole is such a harking harker that I just want to hark him until he gets it through his thick skull.

RUNNERS-UP
Nick in Aberdeen: I believe that the word WASP should become a new curse word.
This is so for two primary reasons: 1) Wasps are evil creatures who can sting you multiple times
2) Nobody likes wasps in the first place.
I'm not exactly sure as to how the definition would change, however in the formula, the other values would be represented as follows
K- Everyone hates wasps, so the value would be on the higher end of the spectrum - probably around 95% (Accounting for children and the elderly who are not all there)
Of- People hate wasps, being called one would definitely be something to take offense to. I don't know anyone who would take it as a compliment to be called a soulless demon living only for the sheer enjoyment of torturing other people
P- I can see Wasp as either a noun or an Adjective, although not really a verb. The value would then be 2
M - undefined, unless you take being called a wasp as a soulless demon, as stated above.
Ap- Acceptability is hard, as wasp is already used in our speech to signify the soulless demons that imitate bees. Seeing as it is so, the acceptability in public would be around 80%.
Based on these calculations, the approximate swearosity of WASP would equate to roughly a factor of 1.7.

R. Brent in Aberdeen: I suggest we profane the word “lurk.”
One, it just sounds obscene.  Try saying it.  “Lurk.”
Two, its current meaning, “to hang around in a creepy manner,” can easily expand into, “to do anything creepy and unwanted.”
And, of course, lurk can keep its original meaning—but with the swearosity of a real swear word.

OTHER EXCELLENT ANSWERS
Jessica (English dept.) and Tom (Math dept.) in Aberdeen: For us, the word “toast” has long been a cathartic word. You can “toast” someone: “I’d like to toast that guy.” To describe someone, especially if they are stale and/or crusty: “He is toasted”; “She was totally toasty.” Confrontational situations: Well, it got really toasty in there!” An unpleasant person can “go toast themselves.” To call someone a “toaster”, particularly if they randomly spit out things or pop up out of nowhere. Someone can be “toast” because, even though you expect them to pop up, something about them always startles you when they do. For that really frustrating person, there is the ultimate: “Go toast yourself, you toasty toaster!” The word “toast” is particularly effective because of the initial “T” sound at the beginning and the possibility for its emphasis at the end. The short, staccato of the “T” allows for sharp emphasis, thus adding to the word’s cathartic effect.

Zach in Aberdeen: I will nominate "Flag." Can you think of a dirtier word that won't offend people? "Flag You!" Just has a terrible effect. Flagged? You mean like impaling me Iwo Jima style? DAMN! You must really hate me! But people can't actually be offended if you don't attack them like that. "Flag this!" Won't make people laugh. It will make them fondly reflect upon their country. Meanwhile you can fondly reflect upon all the chaos and destruction flags have caused. Then both participants are drifting off into their own worlds, smiling like idiots. Best of all, its a 4-letter, one syllable F word so we won't even have to change any of our current writings on swear words to make it fit.

Kate in Dublin, Ireland: How about taking the word hornswoggle and changing it to hornswaggle, which looks and sounds more appropriate to my mind. Just to be clear- it's horn-swaggle, not horns-waggle. No one seems to know where the original word came from and it has a nice old-timey, cowboy feel to it. Examples: "He caught those ugly hornswagglers in the bedroom hornswaggling each others brains out." "I think she gave him a hornswaggle!" The beauty of this one- even I'm not sure if that's referring to a good or bad thing.

Hanna in Vancouver: "Reckum freckum". That is all.

Nick in Berlin, MA: During my Senior year of High School, the males of my class decided it would be fun, and harmless, to start replacing regular curse words with the Spanish "limon". We would use it as an exclamation, a descriptive noun, or even as an occasional insult. Someone would get a question wrong in class? "Limon!" Someone else would be upset with a classmate? "You are such a limon." Eventually, use was so wide-spread and common that teachers began to become upset with students who would use this new, unknown swear term, even going so far as to reward a few students with detentions. But of course, in the end, we were all just saying "lemon".

Adam from Aberdeen: My favourite curses are in other languages, as you can usually decrease the amount of offense caused (maximizing Ap and minimizing K) while allowing Of to rocket proportionally upwards. This maintains a stable Sw of your word, while increasing the cathartic effect greatly. Some excellent examples are the Quebecois curses (tabarnac and calice are both fun, and as long as you're not around any Quebecois, relatively inoffensive). Wikipedia has a helpful and informative article on Quebec French Profanity.

Stephen from Ithaca, NY:
Suggestion:
Xi-O (Greek Letter Xi, followed by the Roman letter "O", pronounced Xi-Oh!)
Reasons:
Two syllables, to allow different emphasis.
Meaning: I couldn't say without offending.
Bonus Advantage: Awesome graffiti.

Amanda in Houston: The term jayhole was born of a mild case of road-rage in which I felt the need to call another driver a jack*ss and an *sshole simultaneously.  I have to admit, it is a little funny unless said with the proper amount of spunk and/or distain.  However, it is remarkably socially acceptable; I usually only receive looks of confusion or uncertainty when using the term in public.  It's also much more satisfying than saying "A-hole;" that just makes you sound like a snotty teenager.

Alex in Abdereen: Smarm. It's almost enough said. It sounds like onomatopoeia. It rolls off the tongue in a relaxing way, like a smooth exhale. Yet it sounds vaguely dirty. Not many people know or use it, and if you said it to someone who didn't, they'd immediately feel a little disgusted. The actual definition of "smarmy" is (basically), "smug and falsely earnest," which is already irritating enough to be a bit vulgar. Smarming. Smarmism. Smarmtastic. The possibilities are endless.

Kevin in Rochester: I think that a great new curse word that fits all of the parameters you laid out is "woolybugger". What, you may ask, does this word mean? Well, it is a fly used for fly fishing that I sell at work. We actually use this word in a similar manner to what you describe at work. If an employee is angry or frustrated and talking to another employee, we use "woolybugger" as an expletive when in front of customers. We understand what is implied, and the customers aren't offended! An elegant system if I may say so myself. 

Kimberley in Moscow, ID: I work salesfloor retail, and that is not the ideal environment for a potty-mouth. Outside of work, a number of offensive words are part of my daily vocabulary, and it’s astounding how, when On the Clock, my language cleans itself up. My problem, though, is that I’m clumsy. Not creepy-ass Bella Swan, tripping over her own feet clumsy, but I hit my head a lot at work. I hit it on all sorts of things and it hurts. My not-swear-word of choice for these situations is “Badger”. I don’t know why, don’t know what made me decide, but Badger is the best non-swear there is. It is fun to say, it can be shouted without getting strange looks, and can be creatively placed in lieu of many other swear words. My favorite is “Son of a b….adger.” “Badger you” doesn’t exactly have the same ring, but that’s okay.

J. Quick in Aberdeen:

Ali from Columbus, OH: “Biscuit(s)” because it is close to another swear word and it can be easily substituted into pre-existing swears.  It can’t be seen as offensive because it is food.  I currently use it and it is very cathartic.   Some examples of it being used would be “Son of a biscuit!,”  “Oh biscuit!  That really hurt!,” “Biscuit, please…,” “That biscuit cut me off!,” and the all-important explicative that you can just say alone “Biscuits!”  If you try saying any of these instead of a swear word not only will you release your rage but you’ll probably start smiling. 

Matt in LA: “Frugitschnook”. While I cannot claim creation of the term (that honor belongs to my friend’s wife), I was in on the ground floor during my high school years. It offers the dual benefit of sharing the initial “f” sound of “THE word, the big one, the queen-mother of dirty words, the F-dash-dash word,” and sounding Germanic enough that someone may just assume you are using a foreign substitute (and if it does have a German meaning, I’d love for someone to enlighten me). It even saves an entire syllable over “m-f” for more efficient swearing.

Sabrina in Aberdeen: Common words that can also be curse words: polyps, defenestrate (as a threat, it works marvellous--'If you don't watch your mouth, I'll defenestrate you so fast you won't know what's hit you!'), pick axe (the nice CK sound and the X axe make this a nasty sounding word), lumbago (which just sounds nasty)

Erin in Aberdeen: Crapweasels. That's all I have to say. I use it ALL THE TIME.

John in Aberdeen: SHAZOOTS! My dad says this whenever he really wants to say SH*T but there are young ears nearby.It’s a nice blend of carthsis, consonant usage (even a Z!), second syllable emphasis, and superhero-speak. Can’t you hear Batman in a stressful situation saying this to Robin?

Wesley in Aberdeen: Too bad you already know about Spider-man 2099's "shock", I always liked that one.  And I just have one question before my answer, is "curses" already considered a swear word?  If not, I would choose that for this answer, but if it already, then my whole answer would be bunk.

Wesley in Alexandria, VA: Our new swear word should be "crack".  Not only does it already have negative meaning, so that people would understand it's supposed to be something bad, but it can also be used in most every form and instance.  Crack, cracker, cracked, cracking, etc.

Melissa in Chicago: I think the the term "twarp" -a nonsense word which came to me this morning- should be made into a new swear word. Twarp would generally refer to any foolishness, silliness, or shenaniganery. Like the current F-word, it could be used rather diversely in virtually any part of speech, and has the potential to sound offensive or dirty, yet is really harmless, since it is a nonsense word. Also, I believe it has the desired cathartic effect since twarp is rather silly-sounding in and of itself- just try saying twarp without smiling. Examples of how to use twarp: noun: something rather foolish/silly/used thusly – "well isn't that just a bunch of twarp.." verb: to act foolishly, silly, in a shenaniganly manner – "they love to twarp around in Monty Python" interjection: when you do something silly/foolish, etc. – "Twarp! My socks don't match..." adjective: something which has the characteristics of beeing foolish, silly, shenaniganly, etc. – "I'm having the twarpiest day today. First my sister switched the toothpaste with foot cream, then someone pulled the fire alarm during my calc test..."

(Note: several answers came from pop culture, like 'gorram', 'frack', and so on. While these answers might meet the assignment, the other answers showed more creativity and originality.

AND IN THE FUTURE
Robin in Aberdeen: "Welcome to the world of tommorow!" Says the cryogenist as he opens your chamber up after a thousand years of deep freeze. "Things you should know about today's society, one, the murlocks are our overloads, two, we use seasheels instead of toilet paper and three swear words have now been replaced by the characters from Teenage Mutant Ninja* Turtles"
Confused you stumble out onto the street (time is money, they don't want you standing around in the cryo lab) and you accidentally wonder into the path of a hover car as it is just taking off.
"Hey! Watch where you're going Michaelangelo!" Shouts the driver whilst making a swirling motion with his hand. You stumble back onto the pavement (sidewalk to Americans) and brush into an old lady, she drops her handbag onto the floor.
"Donatello!" She croaks at you as she stacks two fists and moves them apart, mimicing a staff.
"Wow the people of the future are rude!" You think to your self as you walk further on down the road aimlessly.
You're meanderings eventually lead you to a murlock library, where you stop in to get out of the acid rain that is now falling in large quantities. There you go to the social history section so you can better aquaint yourself with whats going on. In the "origin of terms" you read about how the murlocks used to watch the TMNT turtles everyday and how they would always route for Shredder and Krang to win and as such developed the turtles into a form of swearing at each other.
This then explains the origins of the swear words in the future.